Hey guys, not to hijack - but I think this is the issue that vero was talking about.
I didn't express myself too clearly (or I am completely deluding myself) but I think it is possible to do LRT without going NC.
The key is one's POV/intentional state, as I see it.
That is, if you are not trying to do things to get H back, if you are trying to live your changes for you and your kids, if you have accepted that you need to move on with your life, if you are not pursuing H, if you GAL, then is it necessary to cut off the sort of daily contact that some H's seem to desire - when there are kids involved?
Some of them seem very much to want to remain in contact with the family unit.
If the LBS decides to 'teach them a lesson' about what wanting a D will mean, telling them not to come around anymore, isn't this the non-detached way to go - as much as trying to get them to come around in order to 'win them back'?
Of course if the LBS/kids don't want this sort of contact, it's a different thing. But if it's an OK experience for everyone and keeps the road home paved??
IDK, I still see it as a dilemma, though. I could just be deluding myself. Maybe it is only when LBS makes it very clear that they want nothing to do with spouse/want to D too, that there is any chance of R.
From what I can read about DB coaches' suggestions, however, being nice (and yet detached) and giving H opportunities to see the family unit operating in its new mode as a warm and non-threatening environment seems like a reasonable thing to do.
