One thing she said to me that really suck was Assume the Good
why does that suck? here we are EXPECTING AND WANTING to get back together with our was's. and if we think so bad of them, what does it say about what we are wanting?
otoh, that is f'ing hard to do in these circumstances. and we are so busy thinking the worst, that if we are lucky, we find out like you just did, that our assumptions are sometimes quite wrong.
the advice that cheryl gave you- is really good. i'm glad to hear that she encouraged you, rather than to go lrt, to stay out in the light.
can you talk a bit about how she gave you advice on what to do about what he says about his feelings?
I gotta tell you my heart isn't in it completely because of all the changes I think needs to made but she said that will come later after all the bricks are laid.
your heart doesn't have to be in it completely right now, exactly because of the reasons you state. on the other hand, careful that you don't sabotage what could be good progress and beneficial for both of you, by having expectations too early (his changes) and determining your attitude toward him because you don't see them fulfilled yet. those changes can only come when he feels that he can see from you certain things
so you can either create a catch 22 situation, where you are both expecting to see something first, or you can let go of it so you don't land up in that, because then there's no way forward
i'm seriously thinking of talking to cheryl myself. i feel a bit overwhelmed on how to present a clear picture of my sitch - there is too much info, and as you all well know, i'm not exactly reticent.
did you email her and fill her in before hand or start from scratch only in the phone call? how did you decide what info to give her and what to leave out - iow - how did you prepare for it?
i hope the phone call really helped you to be more clear about how to move forward
look forward to hearing gore about it
thanks zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
