W was over again last night. At the end, when it was time for her to leave, she brought up finances and assets. This started another bad episode. She keeps upping the request until now she's asking for too much. She started at a little, then changed to what I think was equal and now way exceeds what is fair and equitable (per the courts). I stood up for myself and explained my position. I was trying to keep the house and could if I could make payments to her instead of a lump sum. In some anger, I told her she told me she didn't want me to sell the house in order to have my S live in the same place and stay in the same school. I said I would sell the house and get her paid. She seemed to back off some. I won't know until something actually happens.
I saw the counselor today and he provided information which really made me think. He said the marriage was broke, I don't want her back into the same relationship. I had a right to be mad and angry. I need to set boundaries. I can't change her, she has to want to change and take the action herself. A lot of statements that sounded straight from DB and responses on this forum about not being weak, how that looks, etc.
During this discussion, I told her I took my ring off and she said she had noticed. One specific thing she said was "Did you tell him you KICKED ME OUT?" I said "yes, he said I had every right to be mad and upset." She didn't respond. (She has texted a friend or two and makes a big deal that I KICKED her out but she fails to tell them why.)
She was upset, said she was leaving and didn't want to discuss any more and she left.
An hour later, she made her move on a cell phone game "Words With Friends" we've been playing.
I don't know if I've done anything right but I feel like I stood up to her on the money. I had previously told her as long as I wore my ring, I was going to fight for the marriage. By taking off the ring, I was signalling she didn't control me. I told her I had proven my love during our marriage by staying and working things out during the shi&%y times. I could have left several times but I didn't. I know I don't control things and I'm going to set back during the separation and have a chance to breathe, just like she should do.
We could both use the time to let emotions settle down and see what we wanted to do at a later time.
