Originally Posted By: zig

in my own soul searching i found that fear and insecurity were behind it. the need to control all these minor things was a substitute for not feeling in control of my life. the more i work through my deeper issues, the more easily i let go of what and how others are doing things around me. because the more i deal with and resolve the underlying fear and seeming lack of control, and become more confident in the ability to take care of myself fully and not depend on others for it, the less i need to cling to them in emotionally unhealthy ways (like controlling)


Couldn't have said it better myself.

The other pearl of this process is learning that holds true for all relationships (including children). We should never be so enmeshed as to depend on others for our sense of worth, or our happiness.

Had a discussion with friends yesterday about priorities in M and how we have become very child-centric. Everything is about the children. What do you think the most common response would be if you asked husbands and wives what their priorities are? I'm thinking for many it would be family and/or children. How many would say my wife/husband is my #1 priority?

Then when a break-up happens, it's "how can he/she do this to the children?"

So little effort is put into the R that is the foundation of the children's happiness. I think that by making the M a priority, it follows that the children will get what they need in most cases.

Other thoughts?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss