But I think I was depressed before he started. I was in fact.
Had our second child and in went into a deep depression.
I actually thought I didn't want to be married anymore.
But I really did. I was just so unhappy. Anyway, I remember that summer so well. We went as a family to the UK. Has a great time.
When we got back home, I thought we were just plodding a long. We weren't. He was reconnecting with an old GF ( fizzled out ) and strengthening a relationship with a common friend of ours ( female) who was also married. ( the current OW)
4 months after the great UK trip he told me That OW is only one for him and vice versa. I handled it very poorly. I was shocked to say the least. He quickly apologised, said he was just lashing out in anger and hurt.
But I was numb with fear.
One month later he moved out of the bedroom. He wouldn't talk with me about what was going on. He became secretive. Stopped wanting to do things with me or be treated as a couple. He 'broke up with me'. Went out with a different set of friends. Was cold, distant...MEAN. Out till all hours of the night, etc etc
4 months after that he said he wanted to move out...'needed space'. That our dreams are no longer. I am 'not the one'. In the background OW is on the prowl. OW leaves her husband and gets her own place.
Three months later his father passed away. H moved out into OW house.
Swears to me they are just friends. In my heart I know better but don't want to anger him. He has become a monster at that point between the dirty looks, the accusations, the self righteousness...etc
Eventually he gets his own place. Rum ors still continue about him and OW which he denies.
He blames me for spreading rum ors, being the cause of his unhappiness.
I was so devastated I couldn't move.
He tells our friends and other people how he is so finished with me. That I am a nag, I annoy him, i have a temper. That he is a victim of this all.
I hear all of this from other people. But he doesn't deny it when I ask him.
5 months later he seems to be softer. More engaged. We have our ten month anniversary and we acknowledge it with champagne. I couldn't believe it. Really thought we were starting to move forward.
He doesn't move back but he started asking me to make new things for dinner - like a fun challenge it was nice. We took family portraits for the first time.
One month later he is cold and disengaged again. Mean again. Apparently He had broken up with OW and was reengaging with her throughout the time I thought things were becoming positive.
In the meantime he swears that there is no OW to me, friends and family.
I find text messages to confirm all. It's all a lie. He says its an EA. Apologises to me because he has to ( no real remorse). And continues to be cold, refusing to talk and stubborn. Insists that he wants a D and even implied that the EA was my fault for not granting a D.
Anyway, I ask if we can seal the walls of our M from outside influences in order to see what's going on. He doesn't say yes or no. Says he will do his 'best'. In the meantime he is still in contact with OW because she is a 'friend' and still sees her.
H cold, distant, exclusionary, doesn't include me. Sees the kids and leaves. Fast forward a few more months, OW rumors again. He is back in EA. She becomes his 'best friend'
Today- EA is now PA.
This is a timeframe of almost two years since he moved out.
Throughout this he takes off wedding ring ( a week after he moved out), bought a boat, travels ( without me) as if we have money like the Trumps, tells me he is unhappy with me. That I will never change. That I was annoying. We have different priorities. When I pushed him to understand what he means with these vague statements he won't respond. The only thing he says is the thing that really bugged him was the way I reacted when he told me that OW was the only one for him and vice versa. How the he'll was I supposed to react ( I cried, screamed, locked him out--- ok not model behaviour but this lasted a whole 30 minutes).
He told me that actually he has been unhappy since BEFORE D4 was born. That maybe we were never really in love when we got married.
In his eyes he is the victim of me.
I don't know why I am writing this all here. I apologise for the long winded post.
This thread has been very useful in understanding MLC. Thank you Cadet for it.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
