Thanks everyone, Gal activities have included playing golf, learning to sail, lots of time in the gym (lost maybe 40lbs), not drinking, bought new clothes, new haircut, arranging time in a flight simulator, gardening (which I don't really like but needs doing), got myself an MC (who is IC'ing) and an IC and going to gigs. The hardest thing is knowing I am doing them to fill space left by her. I still feel a total wreck and am really lonely. The worst thing is when she says she doesn't miss me and even despite her unhappiness she thinks she is doing the right thing. She has completely rewritten history so I caused every problem between us. I certainly want the man I wanted to be or that she deserved a lot of the time. The MC question has made me struggle. She said she'd go, but when I thought about it her breakdown comment scared me so much I rang back and told get not to worry about it. However, her comments about not missing me are so scary that I'm desperate to try it just to try something. I just can't decide. If I leave it am I showing strength or giving up? If I pursue it am I doing more harm than good? I've had advice to follow both sides with the most appealing being to tell her the time of the appointment and then go dark. Its on Monday though so not really that much time for her to stop being angry. I'm so scared that she'll find someone else, she is doing a brilliant 180 on me which is leaving me floundering.
