Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

it's sad, now when i've taken h off the pedestal, so to speak, to really see how he can be.

had to call him about the invite list. his general attitude is really forceful - sort of along the lines of "everyone is just f'ing going to do it the way i think it should be done!" tone of voice.. i'm so NOT getting caught up and reacting to that, just sort of patiently responding with that's fine.
it seems to work, because then his voice relaxes a bit and he discusses details, then suddenly gets abrupt and as soon as i hear the shift in his voice i say ok great talk to you later and end the call

s had to call me back so i could ask him something about how to use the on line invitation site, and he was in the middle of explaining it to me, when i hear this loud obnoxious groan sound in the background (they were driving) - obviously h's voice. i asked s calmly - is that your dad getting upset because you're explaining this stuff to me. and he replied yes. so i just quietly said to s, don't worry about it i'll figure it out on my own.

it's really off putting - h absolutely does not want to deal with it, insists i do it, but doesn't want to be hassled with us figuring out how to do it. after i got off the phone with s and did the head count (30 adults and 22 kids - i said it was a big bash!), my first thought was - what on earth are we into here?

first of all i don't think we can afford it and secondly - if we can't play frisbee together for 20 mins how on earth does he think we are going to cook for all these people together and host a party from 2 pm to midnight.

this is going to require some serious patience on my part!

in the first convo he sort of blurted out - s is really excited about the party, in this rather strange intense voice. i wish i had waited quietly - i may have lost the chance that he was trying to say something. instead i just said yes he is, without thinking. maybe he's getting stressed about it now, and can hardly get out of it.

frankly it's his own problem - his parents got s excited about still having it the same old way as before - months ago!

interesting little detail - he wanted to take the people who didn't know about our separation off the list!!

i think when he hears the head count, it's going to freak him out. i'm just going to stay quiet and let him decide what to do. frankly i don't really care about the details - (see - i REALLY don't feel like controlling) and would much rather he and s decided everything - less for me to think about. i just plan to be there and quietly do what i am really good at, show my love and support for our s and our friends.

it might sound like i'm letting him do the run around on me, but from where i'm standing now, it doesn't feel like that, because suddenly all i can see is him digging his own hole (while he's cursing and kicking) and me sitting at my sweet little picnic with my back to it (the hole that is and him, too!).

i feel so calm right now - a couple of weeks ago this would have been enough to send me over the edge completely!!! i think it was hearing that groan - just wanted to take myself away from the source of it.

off to the grocery store, get myself some dinner - too lazy and hot to cook tonight

zig

if any of you have some feedback or advice about this crazy scenario - would appreciate it. if s wasn't so upset at the idea of not having the same kind of party as always, i wouldn't touch this with a 10 ft. pole!!