Still Afloat and moving Forward

[BeingMe]

Keeping the recent comments on my thread in mind, I thought I would try (is all I can do) describe my H's personality, which makes DBing very difficult. My H is a kinda weird man. Here are some of his traits that he has exhibited or outright told me he has in the last 10 years or so (listing this helps me to make the decision about leaving or not, clearer to me - is he worth staying for, I keep questioning myself? Maybe he will be happier with another woman?):

- he is a different man to our first years of marriage - I miss that man very much, and I stay in the hopes that he might come back, but it's wearing thin. I think I'm stuck with this 'bizzaro' man, and I have to decide whether I want to be with him or not.
- he does not get jealous - he has told me this emphatically, and shown it too. I'm not a huge proponent of jealousy, but I think a little fear of losing someone to another is healthy to a certain extent
- definitely passive-aggressive
- does not like any kind of confrontation (that can mean just discussing something like finances)
- not got a romantic bone in his body (for me, anyway)
- very little empathy, cannot get into the other side's viewpoint
- will tell you what he thinks you want to hear, then go and do the opposite (always been like that with his mom, but I thought I was special - hahahaha, silly me)
- can be very kind, gives out the impression of being the good guy
- doesn't see the negatives in other people to be his, like his A is something different to other people's affairs, or hates others to lie, but doesn't see that his lying is the same
- secretive
- does love his children very much, and it shows in the amount of money he dishes out (without conferring with me at all), but not enough to give them his time (for instance, my D19 wanted him to come visit our home country with us, but he didn't want to take the time off)
- he uses the excuse of him having to earn the money for his travels (he is the one that set up this lifestyle ... I think it helps with his secretiveness, and sense of independence from the family, and specifically me. There is no referring to me in decision-making. This was different during our early marriage)
- I'm not saying he's a bad man, just not self-aware, that I can see. It's all about him and giving an impression. He doesn't stick to a job longer than 2 years, then he wants to move on. He is a good earner in what he does, but it's frustrating for me when he wants to move to other places. I have finally put my foot down.
- our friends, and my family, like him. He gives out the vibe of being a good man, fun to be around. Yet, when we're alone, he would make negative comments about someone he had just been having a beer with, and to all intents and purposes seemed to enjoy their company - never used to be that way when he was younger
- I think a lot of stuff from his childhood has added to this latter day personality which is made worse with MLC
- total baby when in pain, or ill, but lacks empathy for other's pain and illness
- I'm afraid to say that my H is a bit of a coward, emotionally and physically, yet will take on other cultures and travels without fear
- gets impatient with those who are trying to learn - forgets that he had to go through the same process
- he has so much good advice to give to people, but doesn't follow it himself

All in all, my H has turned into a jerk, but hides it well from those he values. He likes men or women who work hard, and live the type of life he lives.

Yet, he seems to not want to let me go. Just when I am in the process of distancing myself (I am already detached), he does something that makes me notice the old H he used to be.

Positives:
- he still calls me regularly when he's away, and lately talking longer than the usual "how's things"
- he has been complaining about the lack of coming home on weekends. Of course, he blames the job/firm/boss, but he has control too, and he seems to want to change that.
- he actually called twice today to check how I am after having my 3year MRI yesterday (still waiting for the results). He doesn't normally do that.
- he doesn't come to me for hugs or any kind of touching, but doesn't repel me either when I need one, such as when I'm feeling down about the above MRI
- he is kind, despite everything
- I still see the man I married deep down inside where this jerk has overshadowed ... will he come back?

I do still love him, but is that enough? Will he ever truly love me again, or does he still? How can I know what to do?

BH - I'll let S25 fetch him at the airport in future, and not be at home, occasionally. I doubt he would care, or would show that he cares. And, no, I don't have anything to lose. It is decision-making time, as I said I would do as soon as my results for the MRI are in.