TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thank you nhmom and 25! I appreciate you taking the time to read and feedback.

Nhmom, your list of suggestions is spot on. When I knew she was hurting I went into I want to help/pursuit mode which is not uncommon. I have failed at this time and time again.

25, I appreciate the 2x4's. I am not angry at my wife. I am angry at her choices, specifically if she is continuing to see her affair partner. That's her choice to make, but that doesn't make it right. I guess that's the root of the joke, disguised anger maybe my intent was just to be silly nothing more. I haven't been angry toward her in any way in months. On a side note, I didn't ask her for a check, that's how she opened the communication.

She had the hysterectomy because she had ovarian cysts. We had discussed this previously so I knew it was a possibility, her mom and sister had to have it done also.

So 25, what I don't understand is this... Basically I have to be all or nothing, what are my other options? I can't do anything to show her any changes because we don't see each other or rarely talk. When she is having a tough time I offer to help and do the right thing. Of course I want to see her, but my offer to help her or do anything for her are for HER and not for me. Hence my constant disclaimer no us talk. I know that I make emotional statements during our communications, when I don't talk to her for weeks at a time it's hard not to do that.

I'm doing everything I can to show changes. I'm giving her the space that she wanted, I'm showing support my stepkids even though I don't see them. I am nice to her all the time aside from my pursuit slips that are driven by my love for her. What else can I/am I supposed to do?

To thwart the dark or nothing situation I texted her "how are you doing" and she responded "I'm good" I said "I'm glad to hear it. Get yourself some good rest tonight. If you need anything let me know."

It's so incredibly frustrating because there is nothing else I can do... I don't know what to do, except to go dark or give up. I am welcoming 2x4's and any other suggestions. The best I have come up with is to go dark/do nothing because that's what's supposed to work, although nothing at all seems to be working for me.