I don’t think it could be said much better than that. Thank you for your time and effort to understand my sitch. Some of the books I’ve read include Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson, literature by Homer McDonald and DR. We haven’t come up with a formal separation agreement however we’ve been working amicably on some of the terms. Now, if I want more accurate guidance I need to let the skeletons out of the closet.
My W and I were together for about 4 years before we got married. After a couple years of marriage my W got pregnant with our first son. I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. While my W was pregnant, I had a 3 month affair with a lady I met at my work. My W found out about it and I ended the affair before our son was born. An affair is bad enough, but to do it while my W was pregnant. I am ashamed of myself, we went to MC, my W worked towards forgiveness and I’ve spent years working on rebuilding trust.
After time, I felt we were on the right track and a couple years later we had our second child and our financial situation was in good shape. Then our financial situation went downhill and it’s been that way for years now. I was self-employed for 4 years, we had collection accounts, backed taxes and my wife was even garnished once for one of my medical bills. Since then, I went to work for an employer and I’ve had consistent income for the last 3 years. In our 14 years together I’ve never been out of work for more then maybe a week at the most. I haven’t been making the same amount of money as I used to and my W works part time.
Besides her complaints about finances, she feels she does everything. Getting our taxes filed, setting up payment arrangements with creditors, etc… While all this was taking place I had been sleeping on the couch for years, she seemed to have lost all respect for me and we were in “stand still mode” and not working towards solutions. During this process I felt alienated from my W, she had physically and emotionally withdrawn and I did all the wrong things for years. I was insecure, needy and when she consistently rejected my advances I would argue with her about it and still continue to make the advances with the same dismal results. Over the course of time, we both ended up with anxiety and depression.
We’ve been living beyond our means for years. Over the last 6 months my W started using Facebook obsessively, losing a lot of weight, buying attractive clothes, new hairstyle, locking her phone and computer and talking with her single friends more. (A lot of the telltale signs of OM)
We tried a loan modification recently and we got denied. My W comes from a fairly successful family, her father put all their kids through college and my mother in law has never had to work a day in her life. My W has told me multiple times that she wished I was like her dad. Yes, I have made a lot of mistakes over the years however I am sorry, I am not her dad. To sum it up, our house went into foreclosure and that was her final straw.
Me(M):37 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 1 D: 1 W wanted separation 5/5 Stopped living together 5/5
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
