Thanks so much for the support and insights. It really means alot to me to hear from other people, because if Im insane I want to know.
Here's the texting conversation that happened yesterday.
Kimmerz: Were you at the house Saturday?
XH: No, why?
Kimmerz: my neighbor told me that there was a truck that looked like yours parked in the yard and there was a man and a woman here.
Xh: Well it wasnt me, only reason I have for going to your house is to pick up the kids, was anything missing? Ask them to get a picture and a license# if they see it again.
Kimmerz: I did tell them exactly that. Nothing is missing. If it happened again, Im filing a complaint. Will there be a problem if I start dropping off the kids with you sometimes?
XH: No that's fine, what time on Saturday was that supposed to have been?
Kimmerz: Betweem 11;00 - 11:30 a.m. I may need that house key back. I lost my keys.
XH: Can have it anytime you want, if you actually think I would go there on my own you should just change the locks as for 11:00 Saturday I was on the computer and OW was at a funeral in Newport.
Kimmerz: Why are you defensive and explanatory? All I did was ask and you gave me your answer which was it wasn't you. That was fine. And I gave you my answer which was what I would do if it happened again. I did lose my key I wasn't trying to use that as an excuse to get your key from you. Im aware I can change the locks and could've a long time ago, but the safety of the kids trumps me trying to lock you out. We had a deal remember? You have a key incase of emergency to get the kids and from what I gather you needed that key last week.
XH; Wasn't being overly defensive just don't like being accused of that if someone accused you like that you would do the same. Just telling you that if you don't believe me, which you usually dont, that there are people that can vouch for my whereabouts around that time. And I would feel better not having the key if you feel that I would use it in that way. That's all. I am at work if you need it today otherwise i can give it to the kids when I see them this week.
Kimmerz: I was not accusing you. I asked if you were here last Saturday. For all I knew you might have been trying to be noble and check in on the house while we were gone. So I asked if you were here. True, I have a very hard time trusting you and I have my reasons for that. Im sure it will get better with time. No it's no fun being accused of things and I can understand how you felt accused. But I was not out to accuse you. I was asking if you were here.
Sooo, I get a text from D9 today telling me Dad is dropping something off for me this afternoon. I knew it was the key. And I did finally find my extra house key today. So I decided to tell him he could keep it since I found my keys. I never got a response but he never brought them back. He text D9 and said " never mind mom doesn't need it after all".
I figure I can change the locks no matter what. If push came to shove he could've had more keys made.
To top this off, I talked to my mother in law the other night when I found out that it seemed XH was at my house when we were out of town. I asked her if XH had mentioned anything to her about stopping by. She said no, and she instantly said that he probably suspects another man around here since I had a man cleaning up the yard one day when he picked the girls up for school. D9 said he was watching the guy really hard, and my lawn guy said Xh glared at him pretty intently that morning.
As I talked to my mother in law she told me some things that were disturbing. She said that at Thanks giving OW had XH cornered and was instructing him that he needs to seek sole custody of our children because I was an unfit mother. His cousin said I was an unfit mother because the girls are overweight. My mother in law jumped in the middle of it and told OW off, told his cousin off, and then pulled XH in the corner and told him off too. She said XH listened to her and she felt he snapped out of it.
So hearing that along with hearing someone see's a description of XH truck in my driveway made me feel he could've been here trying to find evidence Im an unfit mother, with the OW by his side. Im not the best housekeeper but for the love of god we're just talking clutter.
So guys there's the scoop.
At anyrate I've decided to just let this go. If he's snooping, he's snooping and he always will get caught, he always has. I don't like the idea of him coming over to snoop. If he wants to come over, he needs to ask like a normal person. I mean today he couldn't even tell me he wanted to drop off the key he had D9 relay the message.
I understand overeacting to things now, I really do. I understand getting defensive, because we all do it. It's natural if your not on top of your game. But one thing I've learned is spew is the by product of something else going on, always.
I just wish he could just TALK TO ME!
That's all I ever wanted.
Guess I still do, but have accepted it's not going to happen like some huge miracle, if ever at all.
