My old thread had been locked a few days ago and I really did not think of starting a new one until H comes back, but kitti, Pam and Kevinlost convinced me that it would not be a bad idea.
Brief summary: 4 months after getting back together, and with OW still in the picture (at least in the form of her physical presence in his office), I started to notice changes in my H's financial picture. He was changing addresses of driver's license and retirement accounts to his office or to OW's house... I took a stance and told him I could not live in deception, he needed to show a commitment and clear things up. He admitted he felt confused and 'boxed in,' and asked for time to go away alone and meditate... I was not exactly happy about a separation, even temporary, but agreed and we settled in two weeks to start after Christmas.
He left on December 26th. He left his car and most of his clothes home and only took his toothbrush and a small carryon suitcase. He did not say exactly where he was going or what his itinerary was, but gave me to understand that he was going to our old college town to revisit our old digs, then head into the mountains for some time alone with himself (there are quite a few old monasteries in the valleys that offer lodgings)...
He hugged me hard and told me he loved me when we left him in the airport and said he'd get somehow to our college town by Sun. I took it to mean he'd call from there, but he did not actually say anything about calling... It just did not occur to me he would not. He did call from Houston later that Friday to say he was boarding the other plane but he has not called since then... not even to check up on his daughter when I am not home...
I talked to his sister to wish her a happy New Year and she does not know where he is or how to contact him. His office is now open but the girls there (OW's daughters) say they do not know where he is and have no way to contact him. They also said he'd be out of town until 1/17th and out of the office until 1/19th.
In the mean time, I've made some accidental discoveries: back in Sept or Aug he bought the house OW lives in. And he apparently has a secret brokerage account with a different firm than the one we've always used...
Do not worry, Ellie: the joint accounts, joint credit card and joint savings are clean and above board...
So here I am, three days away from D-day... if he really intends to come back then. I had promised him I will not contact the attorney or proceed on the divorce until he returned 2 weeks later and intend to keep my word.
When he left, he had me thinking that he intended to come back and fix things between us... But after 12 days of total silence I am not so sure anymore. I even wonder whether this is his way out, just disappearing into the distance.
I just cannot understand, if he wanted to go and marry OW, why would he not tell me clearly and accept my very generous settlement offer...
And even if he comes back, opens up and wants to try, we need to set some very clear boundaries...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
