I've been following your sitch on and off. Though you've come some way since the beginning, I feel that you still have a ways to go.
First of all, I commend you on your 18 day streak of no contact! I understand it's not an easy thing to do. And it doesn't mean that your recent contact means the end of the streak. It just means you can start over.
Now I'd like to swing some 2x4's your way. The benefit of text or email exchange is that you can think about how to respond, or if to respond at all. From reading your conversation exchanges, I sense that you didn't think before you typed and reacted to her messages.
You are still trying to "force" your way into her life.
You want to be needed and wanted. You're having a hard time, because you're not getting what you want.
You are still trying to convey in your messages that you are a "great husband".
In your last TM exchange, you were forcing yourself to go visit her and take care of her. Most of us don't want to see our loved ones hurt and want to take care of them, but if that's not what they want, then don't push it. You may not see it, but I sense some passive aggressiveness in your responses.
Quote:
Now do I not only have the history of our ridiculous sitch to overcome, I also have the challenges related to a 30 year old single mother of three and the associated side effects of a hysterectomy to deal with. But hey, look at on the bright side at least she won't be banging the OM for the next 6 weeks! lol Could this possibly get more exciting/any better? roflmao
I know you explained the above quote a bit, but it's still not funny.
You still keep talking about how YOU have to "overcome" and deal with the sitch. HOW and WHY is your W's hysterectomy and its side effects YOURS to deal with?
Yes, it's very hurtful when we care about someone, but don't get the same in return. But it is what it is. You need to accept that you can't change what she's feeling right now.
My suggestions:
- re-read articles on detachment - don't pursue (initiating contact is NOT the only way to pursue someone; it also happens in your responses) - if W messages you, keep it short - don't respond to all TM's - don't send pictures - THINK about how you're going to respond - start a new no-contact streak (if it breaks, start another one!) - continue to GAL - continue to working on yourself - think about what qualities you have to offer (this is not about money, successful career, looks, great sex, or whatever) - continue to post here and listen to what people have to say, even if you may not agree with some of it
