I just replied back yes - against my good judgement. Don't really know why I am trusting someone named snodderly and tsquared2 who I meet on the Internet over my own genius reasoning. The same genius reasoning that got me into this predicament to begin with.
The subject of mlc is very hard to wrap your brain around and that's why it is important that you learn how to detach, not react to his crazymaking behavior and turn the focus back on to you and your children. It's important to understand that this particular crisis is fueld by emotions, not sanity, per se.
I had a difficult time understanding mlc until I got slammed a few times by my xh along the early stages. Everything that we know to be right and true to repairing things doesn't work in the mlc world. Everything is opposite, because the crisis is all about being opposite or mirror image for the mlcer.
You aren't dealing with the man you married. You are dealing with the exact opposite, i.e., thus the mirror image. In his eyes, you are an authority figure, i.e., mom. He is acting out and rebelling against the mom figure. It will take him a while before he has tried every avenue to find the illusive happiness and hopefully he will hit bottom hard and then begin to seek assistance and rise to the top a better, more mature man. But, you need to understand, YOU CAN'T HELP HIM! This is a journey of self and he needs to repair his "self". You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him.
Miracles happen every day and no one is telling you to give up hope. What we are trying to do is advise you on how to better communicate, react and understand w/your h and his crisis.
Why listen and trust us? Because we have been where you are and some are still on the same path w/you. I walked the path 13 years ago and while walking, I studied mlc, depression, personality disorders, as well as talked to full blown mlcers during that time. Each poster comes here and has something to offer others and as we post to each other, we continue to learn something new each and every day. I remain here as a poster, to help others walk the path and avoid the pitfalls that I encountered.
Please continue to post and ask questions. I realize that you get frustrated with the advice that we offer, but all I ask is that you keep an open mind to what we offer in the way of support and advice. I think we have a great group of posters here and we all strive to help one another, even when we dish out 2X4's when we know a poster is aware that they shouldn't have done what they did. What we have here is called "family".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Maybe, just maybe...you sending that short, one word text, has thrown H off...Maybe he's thinking "Uh, just a "yes"? WTF, where the deal making, the negotiation, the <insert BklynMom "standard MO" here>". Maybe he'll be scratching his brain about that, scratching the itch in his peripheral awareness, unsettling him...?
Or not, but it can be a somewhat satisfying possibility...
Hang in there!!!!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Jack, I was just going to suggest that! You beat me to it!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BMum - I just read the rest of the thread and I can see you did go back to him.
to be honest, I was blown away when I read you're first post - girl, that's just bad manners!! You are on him for everything and have these long conversations etc - and yet when he asked to you fulfil an obligation THAT YOU MADE ... it was you're idea in the first place ... you were going to just ignore it???? Wow. Just wow.
Those are the type of things that impact on relationships and why men do get to the point where they no longer find their partner attractive. Sure, he likes you well enough and he's happy to spend time with you, you are the mother of his children - but he's not attracted to you ... probably precisely because of this type of behaviour.
Brooklyn - see if you can sepnd some time thinking about how your behaviour makes you attractive - or choosing behaviour that is more attractive ... this isn't getting you anywhere.
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Walking - I am doing the best I can. I come to these boards for support. Not to be told I am a$$hole. I have two young children and am really struggling to be there for them and happy every day. I am being grateful for all I have not all I dont have. I am doing my best here. Your above comment was rude and mean and does that show that you have any growth in your own recovery. Maybe my initial decision not to respond was not the best decision but their are others ways to tell me that.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
