Mini meltdown yesterday and a little this morning on my front.
Yesterday he was late showing up with S, and I asked 'don't you work today?' I got accused of being passive aggressive (which I am evaluating right now for accuracy) and I said "I always make it a point to be on time for you because I know you hate being late for work. It concerned me when you didn't show up for 20 minutes and didn't call). So that started bad day #1 and me calling him.
The following mini-meltdown: I'm getting the house ready for sale all on my own, which is the biggest job I've ever had to undertake. H came over today for S and helped moved some stuff downstairs, and also took his suitcase and a blanket with him to take. It bugged me, I admit. I said "if you are going through this house for stuff to take, you need to leave right now and go back to your home. The purpose of today is to get it ready for the carpet cleaners, not for you to disrespect me by taking your stuff right now." Probably an overreaction.
The blanket he joked and said "Well, I need another blanket in case I have house guests, and they need something to snuggle under" (he has no furniture still). Ok, I admit that the thought of another girl going over there bugs me, but that would be really classic... He would end up with a girl who wants to 'take care of him' buy him furniture which he will appreciate the gift, and then he will rebel. Same cycle. I am trying to let that thought go. "No, really it's because the floor is kinda uncomfortable and i need something softer." Me internally ("Good it should be uncomfortable.")
I cannot help but think that H is just going through a phase...
Just 3 more days until the house goes up for sale. I'm thinking my mini-meltdowns are starting to come through because of stress, but also because I really need to review my list of new projects to do. This one has taken up 3 weeks of my time - and it's given me something to focus on other than H. So now I am afraid that I will focus on H and see this scary new world.. So in 3 days, I will have to find a new focus to work on.
I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend who was very needy (both in the dream and real life). In the dream it was to the point where I could not even sit down without him taking the seat and wanting me to sit on his lap. I remember in the dream feeling a little flattered at first, but then it turned into me being completely annoyed and me trying to avoid him at every possible point. Even looking at his face was starting to disgust me.
I woke up. Now I'm trying to apply that to my sitch.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
