Thanks Brit! After thinking on it some more, I agree with you that consistency is the key here. If she takes that action as pursuit then so be it. So my 2+ weeks of no contact came to a close yesterday at her doing.
This is another prime example of my failure to apply the clearly spelled out principles of DB...
W: Hey. I put a check in the mailbox. Are you coming this way this evening can you pick it up? I'm out of stamps and don't wanna be late getting it to you.
<I let this simmer a few hours>
Me: Hey, nope out of town. <attached photo of balcony beach view from hotel> Wish ya'll were here! Please send any mail going forward to my P.O. Box, hope ya'll are doing good. P.S. Isn't there a post office two blocks from your house? ;-)
W: <attaches photo of herself in hospital bed, she doesn't look good...> Yes but barely enough energy to even write the check. Hysterectomy 3 days ago and fighting fever at home now.
Me: Sorry to hear that, I hope somebody is taking good care of you. It goes without saying I wish it was me. What can I do? I am coming back tomorrow can I stop by and see you?
W: Nothing for you to do. I'm fine. I have to be back at the Dr. office in the morning to check for infection.
Me: You don't look fine
W: Sister took that pic 20 mins after surgery. nothing anyone can do do. I just have to give it time.
Me: I'd really like to visit you, no talk of us just to wish you well, you don't do visitors either?
W: No no need. I was simply explaining why I couldn't make it to the post office. Enjoy the beach. Good night
Me: My apologies for being overbearing. It's my natural inclination to care for you, even though that's something you are clearly not interested in. I hope you get well soon.
Now do I not only have the history of our ridiculous sitch to overcome, I also have the challenges related to a 30 year old single mother of three and the associated side effects of a hysterectomy to deal with. But hey, look at on the bright side at least she won't be banging the OM for the next 6 weeks! lol Could this possibly get more exciting/any better? roflmao
I take it as a line in the sand that she didn't tell me about any of this that is going on with her. It is fact that she couldn't care less about me, it is what it is. The photo of her was kind of disturbing, if she wasn't in the hospital she still would have been looking rough, whatever she is going through looks to be physically taking a toll on her.
I am there for her. She doesn't care. I am there my stepchildren. She/they don't care. I am there for her family. She/they don't care.
It's very painful to love someone and they simply do not care.
So back to doing nothing in regards to her... lol Aside from my sitch and the lack of female companionship, I GAL out the wazoo and life is good!
I am a very goal oriented person, the most frustrating thing for me at this point is that there is no end in sight to this saga. I know we're not supposed to put a timer on things, but mentally I have to do that at this point.
The only pain point in my life at this point is this sitch, and the fact that I love a woman who doesn't love me back. I have never been in that situation before, and maybe that's why it is so hard for me to let go.
So I said my peace to her, and she still knows where I stand. I'm starting to think we may never even stand face to face again. If that's the way it plays out that may actually be the best for me. My door will be open for another 2 months and change. August 27th marks the day she started the affair, and is also our "legal" separation date since she blackmailed me to sign as such so I couldn't pursue an alienation of affection suit against the OM. If something doesn't change there will be a divorce decree with my signature on it on that day. Like it matters anyway right, this marriage has been over for a while.
So that's the plan today anyway... Good luck to all in your respective sitch's, I hope yours is on a better path than mine!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
