Lost pt2

[bustorama]

Yep, she is addicted to him and the PEAs that contact with him gives her. Thinking otherwise is deluding yourself. Continuing to expose yourself to it is similar to continuing to expose yourself to (and enabling and making excuses for) an out of control drug addict. The woman that spent Father's Day with you is not your W. It is your WAS.

Again, this is not to say that you need to be mean, vindictive and punishing to her. But, it also does not mean that you need to expose yourself to her and make excuses for her choices (would you do that for a drug addict still actively using?). That is co-dependence, if so. She can make other choices.

Re: what your IC said, it totally depends what your boundaries are. If I had the hard evidence (admission) that you do re: your W is in an ongoing relationship with someone else, then I would file for D in a heartbeat. But that is one of my own boundaries. I don't know whether it is a boundary of yours that the person you are married to is not in a sexual R and living with another person.

If you were to do it, I would NOT frame it the way your IC is suggesting though (as an ultimatum). I would simply say to my WAS that I really had enjoyed spending Father's Day with her and that her being there made it especially special. But that I felt betrayed by her having contact with OM during your day. I would then say, I am not ok in being in a marital R with someone that is cheating on me. And, for that matter, I am not ok with having an R of any kind with someone that doesn't respect me and my family. I'm sorry hurting you in the past W and for my part in where we are, but it just doesn't work for me, W. And then file for divorce.