SIAS thks for checking in. Go Thunder! Have I ever mentioned that my parents were living in OKC 9 months prior to my birth??
I feel a change in the wind since these meetings with my H. In our post meeting conversations it has just been glaringly obviously my growth and his lack of growth. At one point he blamed me again 100% for the downfall of our relationship and I wasnt angry and I validated but it made me think he was a little insane if in a year he hasnt recognized the part he played as well.
H goes to his last agreed upon meeting today and we will see.
We have a couple of school events coming up and I was concerned about if we should/would attend together or separate, its amazing now I dont care. He was on the email list and got the invite, he can do whatever and I will do what I plan on doing.
Slowly the good days out number the bad
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
It's been almost 3 years since my MLC H left, he stills blames me for everything.
At first I carried the weight of guilt because I believed him...through my own journey I realized I wasn't all that bad of a wife. Fixed what I didn't like about me and continued on.
When they say it takes the MLCer a long time to get to the other side, if ever, believe it. No expectations = no disappointment. Something I still have to remind myself of every so often.
Brookie is right, just keep going. You're doing fine!
H had the girls over the weekend, and I stayed very busy but Sunday was hard. Fathers day, no girls - no activity could get me out of my funk.
Monday morning - H and the girls come over before school and we all walk together. It was wonderful. I go for coffee with H and d2 after walk. I'm putting that interaction in the bank
Then monday night I get the email from him - "Should I have my L contact your dad to set up a meeting"
I have decided not to answer.
Today I will enjoy another beautiful day with my angels
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Are you planning to respond to his email at some point? The reason that I am asking is that you put the "deal" on the table when you sent the email to him with the following: "Now I could graciously decline as you did but I am willing to do the meeting in a trade. You go to 3 AA or Al-anon meetings and I will agree to a meeting? What do you think?"
As I recall, your h was more than happy to go to the meetings and even had you go along w/him...so now, I believe it is your move to agree to the meeting.
I had a feeling he would do the meetings that you specifically stated in your email and then want the meeting. You now owe him a response and you should seriously think of owning up to your part of the deal. Whenever we, the lbs, put something on the table or threaten them w/something, we have to follow through or they will know that we are just bluffing and that will make them that much more determined to move forward w/a divorce or make life even more difficult for us.
Whatever you do, follow through on what you say you will do. Don't play games because this is very serious stuff and none of us wants to see anyone hurt unnecessarily when it comes to mlc, family and finances any situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That's your call if you don't want to reply. However, I would reply and just say yes w/nothing more added. Ignoring the email looks like you are playing games w/him (in his eyes).
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BTW, the reason your h is looking to you for an answer about setting up the meeting because you are the one that sent him the text with the ultimatium. People who are thinking rationally would go ahead and have their lawyer contact spouse's lawyer, but when they are in crisis, they aren't thinking like rational adults. Your h, if he is in mlc is a teenager, looking to "mom" (you), for the answers.
I have been where you are right now and I know how you feel. However, you will get more with honey than vingear.
I am sorry if I have offended you with my responses, but I try to be as honest as I can w/the posters to help them avoid the pitfalls that I experienced a long time ago.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
