What DID appear to be happening is when he responded kindly (which might suggest it was working), your expectations rose and then you got disappointed. You weren't detached enough to pursue without expectations of results.
I look back now and I can see how often he used the phrase "I don't want to lead you on" I think that's exactly what happened. I may not have been honest with myself about what my expectations were then. And TBH since the (last)bomb drop I went dim so that I wouldn't make it worse, and just hoped for ANY communication.
I keep saying I want a friendship and then I keep wrestling with my own emotions about the M being over and him being in a new R. And then I get confused about what it is I'm doing. Which is why it was great that Kaffe said yesterday he won't be with you.
Every now and then I get so wrapped up in my internal drama that I forget to just live in what is happening RIGHT NOW.
