Life is good. Nothing much new, continuing to work on me. My sons and I continue to build our R into something better, stronger. The success of that is due to my letting go and accepting them as the people they are. They are great people but I'm a recovering controlling-perfectionist, so they could always be just a bit better to my previous way of thinking.
I had an interesting conversation with my IC yesterday. I never really showed gratitude or appreciation to my kids for doing what was "expected" because that was hmmmm, minimum standards and you only got gratitude/appreciation if you went over and above.
Didn't want to coddle them.
What utter BS! We all want to be appreciated and seen as valuable.
Holding back appreciation in expectation of better output is controlling.
Getting rid of that need to control is a bit like killing ants. You swat and swat and still they come, seemingly out of nowhere. Then you get some spray and that seems to work for a while, but then 1 appears, then 2, then 3. D@mn!
You have to follow them to the source and take action there.
Same with my controlling tendencies, find the source and work on that.
Father's Day came and went without a ripple around here. I worked 14 hours that day, not that I had any other plans. The sons didn't see H on Father's Day. I felt a bit sad about that.
But that's between the 3 of them.
Just some rambling journalling.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I love that we both have IC on the same day, and come to our own realizations early on in the week
Sounds like you had a good one! I am a recovering controlling perfectionist too, I can relate Working on getting to the source is a great way to see it, knock it out for good!
I am with you in the recovering controlling club. I've found that space and non pursuit works well with teenage boys too. When I don't ask or prompt, he sometimes just does things on his own and that makes me happy! I made it a point to randomly say that I enjoyed his company yesterday. I, too, am foraging a new R with him.
You know its funny what you said about appreciation.
It is very important to say what you appreciate instead of taking normal everyday things for granted. It makes you feel better as well as the person receiving the gratitude.
Personally, I am still trying to get used to hearing the thank you's for the day to day stuff that I do...
Stuff that I don't feel is above and beyond...
One of the things that I have learned is that living in gratitude is how we are supposed to live and it actually brings more good things your way.
Have a great day.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I began to realize how much disappointment, discontent, blame I invited into my life by trying to control everything.
Because I can't control everything and when things didn't go my way, who did I blame? Who was disappointed? Who felt like a failure over and over?
I read this yesterday:
Macho sports-types like to say that failure is not an option, and in a totally not-macho way, they’re absolutely right. After all, we all have different definitions of success, and while individual skill is a factor, so are luck, fate, and a mess of other circumstances that we can’t control and/or overcome completely. So if you can’t meet certain expectations or fix pressing problems, the good news is, failure is not an option; if you do your best with whatever it is you actually control, judging for yourself what that is, you can never lose (F*ck Feelings)
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
