PH, My situation was similar to yours, and my heart goes out to you. Although X didn't leave when I was pregnant, he emotionally withdrew and abandoned me during that time, and left when D was only 14 months old (after several months of treating me horribly). He was also horrible to me when I was in labor.
(((hugs)))
You are going to need to let him be so you can concentrate on yourself and take care of yourself. Do you have adequate support? Gather your troops. Make sure you are surrounded with heartfelt and kind people. Find out about parent groups in the area so you can make new friends, particularly with other single moms if possible. I socialized only with women for a long time, and it was a good decision for me.
I am so lucky, I have my mum who is doing all the kids taxi-ing at the moment! I have a group of genuine, loving and caring friends, and we have plans in place, for all possible situations! I have friends who even live far away who are going out of their way to see us (me and kids) and continually check up on us. One B(est)F is someone who I met at my first post natal group 10 years ago! A couple of my friends are single mums.
Also, if you can, make arrangements to have some sitters come after baby arrives so you can breathe and take care of yourself
I've got plenty of offers!:D
If I were doing it again, I would not have allowed X to attend the birth as his presence was upsetting to me and did affect things medically.
I will text DH one time to let him know I am in labour and then the ball is in his court. My mum will otherwise be there and a couple of friends are in place to look after my other two. I do want DH to be there, I am as sure as I can be that his presence won't adversely affect me. I think it was maybe worse for you because at that time you weren't aware of what was going on with your X, and was confused and upset at his mental and emotional cruelty of you. I am so sorry.
Your sadness can affect your baby. You may need to leave him in the dust so you can concentrate on your health.
I know! I've been having additional checks with the mid-wife because of the situation. Amazingly, even with everything going on, this has remained to date (touch wood) the most comfortable pregnancy - not even any swelling, or rise in blood pressure! All tests are good and more importantly baby is also checking out quite happily!
My situation, as you can see in my signature, has had a series of twists and turns. I am the one with the friends, the good new guy, the happy D, and the positive life now.
GOOD for you!! It's strange, or maybe not given the horrible behaviours of both our spouses leading up to the bombs, it's currently quite nice without the pressure of him being here too. I feel in more control and at peace. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I am not as sad or depressed as I thought I would be. I think it's more at the moment the effect on the kids and lack of consideration for them that is driving my anger and sadness.
And OW? Long gone. You have to figure that anyone who is selfish enough to intrude on a guy when his W is pregnant is thoroughly selfish indeed. Proved to be exactly the kind of person I expected.
I've definitely got that!
My impression is that few OPs last long, and if they do, they make life unhappy for the MLCer.
As far as the "friends..." you may be surprised. I kept all the friends. X, in his selfishness, couldn't be bothered to contact friends, and the few he did contact were disgusted w/OW and w/him.
I am so sad though how many people (albeit not my friends) seem to have bought favourably into their actions, instead of thinking about the poor kiddies in the middle. I very stupidly contacted his best friends, because he'd seemed to have cut them off, out of genuine concern for his mental health to ask them to be there for him and now he's got everyone he wants on his side, and they are all patting him on the back!
Now he is alone, ill, and dealing with New Woman, who is dying.
I don't relish this--in fact it saddens me in some ways--but people make their choices in life.
I know. I don't wish bad things on anyone, but sometimes they are the natural consequences of the choices people make and ultimately they have to live that.
It's strange, or maybe not given the horrible behaviours of both our spouses leading up to the bombs, it's currently quite nice without the pressure of him being here too. I feel in more control and at peace. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I am not as sad or depressed as I thought I would be. I think it's more at the moment the effect on the kids and lack of consideration for them that is driving my anger and sadness.
