First thank you to everyone: yes this is why I vent/journal here. If I just put it in a journal then no one can tell me I'm being silly or this too will pass. I have not approached him with crazy talk of how I feel since the bomb drop of 5/22.

Quote:
Still, in the mean time, you may want to let him know that this friendship isn't quite as what you might define it.

I wrestle with this. I have thought of that. Thought of suggesting we have coffee twice a month to "catch up" But I as I'm starting to learn about myself I am worried that I am dressing up pursuit or control under "need to have a friendship" I can't control what our friendship will look like.

I do look at the end of April when I had decided only to work on the friendship, we were in contact much more because I initiated as well. We were much more "friendly" But then I decided that was pursuit, don't let them cake eat..etc etc Perhaps this is something Cheryl can advise on.

Here was my friends list:

He said I was his best friend and we would always be friends. So here's my rules to be his friend:
Friends don't sabotage the others relationship
Friends don't flirt with each other.
Friends don't sleep with each other.
Friends want the best for that person.
They're happy for the other's acheivements.
Friends aren't jealous of one another.
Friends don't have an agenda.
Friends don't try to push thier wishes/hopes/dreams/opinions onto that the other
A Friend listens more than talks.
A friend tries to understand where you're coming from instead of telling you why you're wrong.
A friend never says I told you so.


I would say actually he does all those things...other than the whole flirting. He does flirt sometimes. If I looked at this like "any other friend" like you said that really I wouldn't be worried about anything. He's there when I need him. He volunteers do things when I don't ask. He doesn't ignore texts if I initiate. He texts me to congratulate me.

Perhaps I'm overthinking all of it. If I put it in the context of 5 years from now, even if we're both happily married to other people would I be worried about texting and saying hope you guys have a great time this weekend? No I wouldn't.

In other news, I woke up from a dream feeling so serene, content, and happy it was amazing. I'm not sure if it was because I'd seen all these Dads yesterday but I had a dream I was at the beach and walked over to Coworker (the one I was seeing), he was with his son who was videotaping the water and I noticed I was in the shot...so I got up and moved the otherside of CoWorker. Coworker asked why and I said I was in the way, your son doesn't want me in the picture. Coworker put his arm around me and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. And I woke up and wanted to go back.

I don't think the dream had anything to do with my Coworker (except that I see him an amazing dad and will make someone a great husband one day) I think it had everything to do with deep inside knocking myself out of the running of a happy family with more kids one day and that's not true.

I am GAL tonight while H and S are hanging out, then I have Cheryl tomorrow.