I'm back, on my own.

[canadianMrs.]

I would agree the presenting themselves IN THAT MOMENT (week, day etc) I think that has been a huge part of our back and forth relationship of the last year. For example, asking us to go to counselling and then when we did, he started pursuing other women. He did seem so sincere at the time, I started to let my guard down, then I got hurt again. There are so many more examples. Just this weekend he was having a teary eyed moment (something I never saw before MLC) when he picked up our sons. He was looking at me, waiting. Waiting because last year I wouldn't have been able to ignore the tears and would have comforted him. Even though I felt horrible not doing the same, I knew those tears were for himself, and not for anything he has put our family through. I can't get pulled in, I only get hurt. That saying "Fool me once" plays in my head all the time (although I was fooled more than a few times).
I don't have any desire to fix our marriage anymore, and I don't know if I ever will, but I would like there to be a day where we can be friends. I've known this man since I was 14, together since 16. Its hard to ignore that history. I strongly feel though that DB/detaching is the only way we have a chance of a friendship down the road; limit the opportunities for more hurt and heal from that I've already been dealt.
So yes, staying off the roller coaster and trying not to poke the bear...even when they poke us. Probably even more then!
I has the analogy of a merry go round today, the ups and downs and going in circles.