so defeated and scared silly

[scaredsilly]

well, he came and mowed the lawn. before he mowed, we did ML and it was nice and intimate. he initiated.

i helped him with the yard work and we got a lot done. he really appreciated it. he had a couple of beers while he was mowing. when he would take breaks, we would talk about different people we both know, our kids and grandkids, cars we're thinking of buying, etc.

i made us dinner and then he left. all in all, it was a very pleasant evening and i enjoyed his company and he appeard to enjoy mine.

he did tell me that he had been trying to decide if he was going to attend a destination wedding in las vegas we had been invited to. it's the SD of a very old, childhood friend of his who lives in another city. he said he really didn't want to spend the money and he didn't want to hurt my feelings but he wasn't ready to go with me until he "figures things out". so, he was thoughtful about my feelings but he's still confused.

another positive, i think, is when i told him i could tell he was at a nearby ATM from our banking website and it's out of his mom's neighborhood.

he said he had attended a wedding of two people he works with (i used to work there, too, prior to my retirement). i guess he could see my eyes cloud over because he immediately told me that only five people from work were invited (all guys) and none of their spouses attended. the positive is that he didn't want my feelings to be hurt.

so, any thoughts? i didn't tell him i wanted to go on a trip. since he was telling me he was not going on one, i didn't have the heart to put it out there and ruin the good experience we were having.