I feel so overwhelmed and resentful today. I've got a pretty good handle on understanding that my H is depressed (likely severely) and his actions were due to that and not anything I did or didn't do. However, the reality of the hurt and destruction that he caused and continues to cause is too much at times. I feel beaten down. I don't want to be divorced yet I've been dragged into divorce proceedings anyway. It's expensive, emotionally draining and requires me to spend time with my attorney and gathering documents at home that I'd rather spend with my kids or doing something for myself. I don't want the burden of being a single, working mom, but I don't have a choice in that either. I miss being with my kids. I miss my old life. I resent my H for doing this to me and the boys. I resent him for not appreciating how good he had it. Sure he worked hard, but he came home to happy, healthily, well cared for kids, a beautiful clean home, a home cooked meal on the table and an adoring, cheerful wife. But that wasn't enough. I come home to kids wanting attention and dinner, a house that's in disarray, piles of laundry, etc. I long for the kiss and hug of a devoted spouse. I miss sharing the events of my day. I miss having an extra pair of hands. Please forgive me for whining, I'm just tired today and am having a hard time accepting my new reality. I know there are so many here that have the same struggles and more. I'm so sorry for what each of us is going through, while our WSs are off in la la land.
