I'm a new person

[2chiquitos]

This journey started when I first found a flirtatious fb msg to n from H exactly 1yr ago. Then on July 30 2011 (days after our daughter was born) I discovered an intense emotional and physical affair.

I made the mistake of approaching OW and snooping. I made the mistake of focusing on H n I. However my mistakes were inevitable. I finally found my journey and reflected on myself. I have made huge changes, not only with H but the way I carry myself with everyone.

I have grown very impatient and I feel stronger where I can limit my interactions with H, xH I should say.

This morning I asked him why he didn't want to come back and he said, I question myself everyday whether I'm making the right decision, but I'm afraid to come back and leave again. I'm afraid I will feel the way I felt before (the affair) and leave.

It's been a year. I'm exhausted. This next journey will be more challenging because I will be the one to distance myself.

I told him to please stop coming over in the morning. S4 can change and feed himself. I now shower after bedtime. He can pick up S4 to take him to school but no more 6:30am visits before work.

He's shared at Coparenting therapy how much he enjoys these morning visits. He says, it's like coffee and keeps him on a good note all day. Yet for me it's when we are closer and it's too hard to distance myself at that time.

I seriously don't know if I'm making the right decision by pushing him away, but I am very tired and don't have the same patient as I did before.

Please comment or suggest!