So last night I decided to wrtite my W a nice thank you note for the things she brought over for Father's Day. Tried to be thoughtful and told her that I was glad that she made me a dad. And despite the rocky road we took to get there (IVF), I would do it over with her a million times if it meant that we would have a miracle like our S.
I also used it as a chance to express gratitude that being a father (and being in this situation) has contributed to me being a better man in general. Ironic that it took a 2 year old to help me be a man, no?
In a loving way, I told her that I finally felt as if I had direction on being the man that I was supposed to be - unafraid to walk a new path, be a great father and a better spouse (though I did not say to her specifically).
I dropped the letter off with her along with our S this morning. She smiled when I handed it to her - I wrote one of my "play" names for her on the envelope.
She asked me to come in and needed some help with her computer. We chatted briefy (left the car running) and then I left.
A little bit ago, she texted me: "Thanks for the letter. Sounds like you are healing well".
Didn't really respond to that. Didn't know how she "took" it, you know? Perhaps almost as if I was "over" her - which just isn't true at this point. I'm doing OK, but I still have feelings for her and I still don't want D. I just have stopped crying and whining and I only show her happy, content and positive.
