Thinking more about that weekend away I mentioned in that post...it was a pattern. He had stopped being caring. And when I was really needing him to be caring and he wasn't I would get more emotional/needy and he would get more detached.
In this instance, I'm crying in public and he walks away to have a smoke and call his sister.
Perhaps this is happening now in a much grander scale. and for all my emotion, declarations of love, promises of change, being nice, he's detaching and walking away because he's wary and thinks it's all a bit weird. I'm not saying being mean will bring him back. I'm just saying a Brit that's a little bit angry is a Brit he feels safer with. I don't think he trusts my new attitude and I thought with time he would. And maybe that's why they feel the need to check in all over GD creation to test me.
And maybe none of this has anything to do me and I'm just insanely self centred. But I'm not really playing nice anymore. I'm not going to be mean...I'm shutting the door. It'll have a glass pane or something but the door is shut for right now.
Also a friend just invited me for a BBQ when I have my appt with Cheryl and now I wish I hadn't made the appt and I'd be having fun instead of PAYING to talk about H
