LRT - Checking Progress

[LostIn407]

Sophie, I don't know if you quite understand what detaching really means here. It's the point where you (the LBS) don't care one way or the other whether you stay with your spouse or not. You're indifferent to the situation. So therefore, anything you do, you do it because YOU want to, not because it will change your spouse's mind about you.

That pretty much sums it up. I had to stop doing what I thought my W wanted and start doing what I wanted.

When I found out about the OM, I had to know everything. I started to do things I thought the OM was doing because I thought that is what my W wanted. I wasn't doing them for me, I was doing them because I thought that is what my W waned.

Hypothetical:
I do what my W wants in a H. What has she done that I want in a W besides being with her? Where in that situation does my M or R get better? Where have we addressed the problems in our M that led to this? If we never address the problems in the M, what is going to prevent it from happening again?


I struggle with my desire just to be with my W again and working on my M.

I could easily be with my W again and HOPE we can work on the issues that led us apart.

Or we can identify what led us apart, work on those issues and then see if we can rebuild our M.

Neither scenario guarantees we make it.

My M is over. I finally realize that. What I am working on now is IF we start a new M. The old M is gone. I have let it go. I don't want to go back to the old M. There were problems we never addressed or knew existed. If there is a new R/M, it can only move forward if we work on those issues/problems.