So much to say, So little room

[AJM]

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis. I hope it turns out very well.

One thing that stands out from that? How about taking care of you the way you took care of others in the past? Sounds like you do for the kids.

The other thought?

So instead of taking better care of those I care the most about, I was more concerned with just getting a moment to relax.

And? So you're saying you did the best you could with what you knew and... ? I'm not sure if I'm missing something here or if that's what you were conveying?

It's true that we learn from our parents. I don't know my father and my mother had to make due with her own means of supporting us. She was always working so I've often wondered if my work ethic was how I conveyed my love for my family. I'm pretty sure that was part of what built up my stress. I was trying so hard to make it at a difficult job and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going to lose that job and my W and kids would be homeless.

Yes we do. Know that your kids are learning even know. I learned a lot from my mother before she died of cancer when I was a teenager. The things I learned in those years have carried with me and have seen me through some tough times. But I see in you the desire to make a better life for you and your family. Nothing wrong with that. I see something else. Is it possible that your W didn't help you with the stress in some way? Like maybe she was not a real partner in much of your marriage? I know if I go back and look honestly and objectively, mine wasn't as much as I wanted her to be. It's why when she left I didn't curl up into the fetal position and have to learn how to cook, clean, tend the house, work, raise the kids, etc. I was already doing all of that and then some. But more than that, I look back and see how much she worked against me as much as supported. Is that similar by chance?

It was important only because I needed to understand I wasn't always being honest with myself. What's done is done. That's not a big deal and I'm an adult. But it does play into my own growth. The honesty with myself.

Stay positive. I think you have a lot of the right ideas, but need more time to work through and test/live them.

Life's short by the way. If you don't want to be somewhere, then don't. But keep in mind this is what she wanted. You have nothing to feel uncomfortable about and are more likely to be wanted there than she is. It took me a little while to realize that and it really helped when I had to attend family functions with her family (for my kids). I was at ease. She wasn't. But I was and so were my kids and that was what counts

AJ