How long does it take, once you've detached, for the other person to start getting a little bit closer? It has been two weeks for me, one week of NO contact, and we are getting more and more distant from one another. There has to be, like, a breaking point, right?
Sophie, I don't know if you quite understand what detaching really means here. It's the point where you (the LBS) don't care one way or the other whether you stay with your spouse or not. You're indifferent to the situation. So therefore, anything you do, you do it because YOU want to, not because it will change your spouse's mind about you.
It's a level of acceptance and gaining back your self-esteem. Knowing that you're a person worth being married to and if your spouse doesn't see that then you really are ok with not being with them anymore. Because now you see that you've made all of this progression and you're not the same person you once were.
It's when the changes are real and they've become who you are as a person. Making you better than you ever were before. This takes A LOT of time to accomplish. Changing habits and behaviors is not an overnight/two week deal. It takes months.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
