Re anger, when I spoke to him, I asked him just that. What is he doing to let go of his anger? He said that he thinks time will heal it which is why he is withdrawing.
I said to him that I am willing to sit down and talk with him for as long as it takes, but that he needs to be willing to talk and make a conscious choice to also let go of the anger. I said this because of my own experience with deep seated anger, and told him so.
I also asked him if anything was resolved simply by withdrawing from it/the person? He couldn't think of anything in particular. I asked him about anyone he continues to hold a grudge against. He mentioned one person about 7 years ago, who he no longer sees and he still can't be bothered with him.
I can only speak from my own experience really. Anger rarely left me unless I spoke about it to the person in question. I needed to understand the other person's perspective in order to let go. It helped me to understand that it wasn't so personal. Otherwise, one can just paint the other person in the worst possible light which feeds the victim mentality.
I told him this is my personal experience, and that we often (in the past) talked through issues and helped the other person understand. At one point in my own life, I had a lot of issues with my own parents. I held onto that anger for a long time, and it did me no good. It was only when I sat down and started talking to them that I made the decision to begin to let go of my anger towards them because I could see them in a different light. My mother also changed over the years so that did help my process, and she was also very willing to talk and be open at that point in time. For a long time though she too was very defensive which didn't help the situation. But during my letting go process, she did open up for the first time in a long time and we had a chance to properly connect. It was the best decision I made because it freed me from all my anger and resentment. Today, my relationship with my parents is so strong and it was the best thing I did for myself.
I explained that anger is very damaging towards relationships of course, and certainly to one's self.
He was with me as I went through this process and he saw my own transformation. So, he does have the evidence of it.
Then he said, "Well then maybe I should go with you to Greece to have time to talk."
Maybe he will think about it over the day. We shall see.
