Needing some guidance... 4

[jks]

I found this letter tonight that I wrote my H the day that he left me back in August last year...

I just want you to know that I am grateful that you have taken this step. It has really made me take a step back and open my eyes. I have not been living these past couple of years. I have been drowning in my own negativity. I am not the person you once married and I completely realize that. This situation is going to be so hard but it's going to make me better. I'm actually shocked at how far I have let this go. Please know that I want to change. I want to love myself and hope that you might love me again someday too. You are not a failure. You did what you had to do. Hopefully, I will become a better person from this experience and a better mother. I have relied on you for too long and I've become so dependent on you that I need to learn to make it on my own. It hasn't been fair to you and you have been more than accepting of me.

I hope that one day we can "date" again and possibly find the friendship and love we once had. Until then, I am going to keep fighting to live. Live for myself. Live for my children and live for us.

You are the most amazing person I have ever met. And I love you. I will always love you no matter what you decide.

-JKS

It's so interesting to reflect back and see the growth that I've had over this past year. I really do feel like I'm on the road to accomplishing a lot of the things that I stated in this letter.

I look at that woman who wrote this at a time that seems so long ago and think... she has no idea what she's in for. Quite honestly, if it hadn't been for the DR book and this forum, I would not have been able to get this far. Call me a believer... I am.