so defeated and scared silly

[zig]

the WTH? feeling - it is going to come repeatedly - over time.

the WAS will keep doing these little things that don't make much sense to us - in our "normal" minds they seem to indicate a moving closer, but over time and enough of those happening finally teaches us not to read anything into it.

it is often written on this board about how, if they sense us withdrawing even the slightest - they move a little closer - all they are doing is checking to see if you're really still there - when they feel you are, then they can happily withdraw again -

it's only when you finally detach that they really start thinking about what they are doing. but the detachment doesn't come easy or quickly - it takes a long drawn out process.

as rick pointed out - it's only when we take them off the pedestal we put them on that we can start to see what the r was really like and what it has become, and then we can truly move forward towards detaching from them

you are where we have all been - and i'm still crawling out of there - slowly and painfully - and it takes the time it's going to take.

i was reading your thread - and hoping as i read that you would decide to go to see your sister and live in the condo you bought.

it took me a long long time to stop believing everything my h said. in the first months while in panic mode, i based everything i did on what he had had on his huge list of grievances, as if changing those would get him back. now - a long time later, i am finally able to let go of the words that rang in my head for so long, and start to hear my own words

you are doing amazing - if you can hear your h's words about the condo and still go - that is the best place you can be - putting yourself above h's needs. you are clear about what you need - which is time with your sister and away and gal'ing - so give yourself a hug and be really proud of taking the scary step - you won't regret it

zig