IB, Your feelings will change in time. Rome wasn't built in a day and your feelings can't be changed on a dime, giving 9 cents in change back.
You feel uncomfortable around you xh because he's not exhibiting the characteristics of the man you knew pre-crisis. If this will help, I felt uncomfortable around my xh 6 years after he walked out. Now, I don't give a hoot about him and state just what's on my mind and believe me, I do not hold anything back and will call him on his bad behavior. In time, you feel different when you are around him. It's almost like a long lost relative that you meet along the way.
I know that you don't like the fact that your children don't have both parents in the home, but it wasn't in the cards that God held for your situation. He has a reason for putting your xh out on the street and in time, he will reveal all to you.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling the loss today. Feel the loss and then release it. Tomorrow is a new day and this holiday for celebration will be over for another year.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
