Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

i meant to mention in my last post the reason for my depression. the depression isn't about accepting that h has left, it is actually about after letting go of all the reasons he is doing what he is doing, by letting go of the focus on HIM , i am starting to SEE myself more and who and what i really am and finding that there is so much to work on that it is almost overwhelming.

to REALLY start to look in the mirror and see what i have been and where i need to change and improve - is a huge prospect. i find, that instead of turning away from it and being scared of approaching it, i want to embrace it fully and go through the pain of learning who i am, what i have to change and how i can change it.

my journey is just beginning , it seems, and the journey with h and how things go between us seem less and less important each day - as if i'm suddenly really beginning to understand how much more crucial it is that I HEAL rather than that our marriage heals, right now.

i imagine the depression about it is part of the first step in moving in that direction - and that as i trust more and more that i am capable of making this journey on my own, i will become more confident and able to do it.

zig