One step forward, one step back, one step forward...
Ready for the abuse, so let me have it...
Saturday was a rough day for me. When I was leaving work on Friday, they asked if I could come in on Saturday because they were making some big changes and needed me there. I had to get my SIL to watch my Ds for me since I had to be in early on Saturday. I ended up putting in a ten hour day.
Shortly after I got home, W calls me. She said she is just getting off work (which is an hour and a half later than normal) and wanted to know if I wanted to grab a drink and something to eat before she picked up the Ds as Saturday is her night. Such a rough day, I decided to say yes this time after saying no for two weeks.
We stopped for a drink and had a really good time together. Talking and laughing a lot. We decided to have dinner and did a lot of talking. She talked about how it was when we first starting dating. How she was seeing someone else and I won her heart. She apologized for how things have been and what she did was wrong. (OMG, finally). But didn't say she was done with OM (WTF).
In the talks, she told me how W and OM argue a lot and how we never argued. I told her how I was going to tell her no tonight because I am too good to be her Plan B. She reasoned that there is nothing wrong with hanging out as friends and how people do it all the time. I told her that until we are done, that isn't a good idea for me.
She went back to how she fell in love with me the first time. She liked how I won her over. She explained to me how she is older and is confused on what she wants. How she wants to do things with me, etc. I told her that there are a millions things I want to do with her, but while the OM is around, I will not do it.
She complimented me a lot. How much better I was looking due to my working out. How much nicer I was dressing. She told me she isn't having as much fun going out anymore. (When she first moved into her apartment, she was all about going out every night).
She called her mom and told her she would pickup the Ds in the morning so she could hang out with me late.
After dinner, we had more drinks and did a lot more laughing and talking. We went to a late movie, but couldn't make it as it didn't interest us. We bounced between movies and finally decided to call it a night shortly before 1:00am because we had to be up early for our trip to the amusement park.
I paid for everything as I am old-fashioned and believe the man should pay. She said it was refreshing. This is because OM is a loser and she ends up paying all the time.
It ended with a hug. Nothing physical. No kissing.
Today at the park, we had a decent time. It was about the Ds as the amusement park we went to was for little kids, not much for adults. No R talk. No M talk. I didn't pursue.
On the way home, all the Ds were asleep in the back seat. She talked more about how nice it is to do things together. I reminded her why we won't be doing things and once the OM is gone, things will be different. She said "what is wrong with competition?" I told her I wasn't going to do that.
My plan is still to detach/GAL. I am not changing my plans to go out of town next weekend. I read it in DR, it says to say yes to some invitations, so I didn't see anything wrong with saying yes on Saturday.
But... I think back to the reasons the W gave for why she wanted to get away/OM: - I didn't show her any affection, she felt neglected - I let myself go - I never wanted to do anything, she felt her life was going nowhere - I was depressed and in a funk
So how am I doing on this list? - I didn't show her any affection, she felt neglected
She wants me to chase her. She wants me to win her again.
- I let myself go
She told me repeatedly that I have made tremendous gains here.
- I never wanted to do anything, she felt her life was going nowhere
She commented on how what I am doing sounds fun and wants to do them with me.
- I was depressed and in a funk
She said she can tell I am much happier.
I really think my W wants to feel desired. She wants me to court her again and win her.
I have no doubt in my mind that OM would be gone within a month if I decided to 'win' her. But I also think if I stay detached/GAL, OM will be gone soon regardless.
I know the 37 rules.
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off!
She wants me to pursue and chase her. This is the confusing part.
OK, I am ready to get beat up by you.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
