Ok, so this evening, after my H left, I had to call him about something. Next thing I know he's getting angry about what I called him about. It's the finances. Then, that burst of anger led to all the other anger he is holding onto and we get into a 3 hours conversation about all the things he's still angry about and why he needs more time to withdraw.
But for the first time, he started to paint of picture of a direction of what he's hoping will happen. That he will have his withdraw time to let all the anger go, and if after all that time he then feels like a relationship, then he will have the energy to come back and restart some romance.
However, he couldn't say when or if that will happen.
I have to say it sounds a lot more realistic then another story he painted a year ago. That story was that we'd divorce, still be friends and be with other people and start going out only as friends.
He said it is very hard to decide what to do because I'm not a horrible mean person. If I were a horrible mean person, it would be an easy choice for him.
We talked so much about the same stuff we've talked about these last couple of years. For example, how I would go on and on and on about an issue and he felt he was pushed into a corner.
I said that I understood how he could feel that way. From my perspective it was different. I would go on and on and on about an issue because I felt I wasn't being heard. He was so defensive so much of those times.
It made him stop and think about that for a bit and he understood. So, in conclusion, I wasn't pushing him in a corner at all but understood that he felt that way - what I wanted was some validation of my feelings. He got that finally (at least for now).
I explained how our own insecurities trigger each other's insecurities and that's when we start taking things personally and feel like a victim.
So yeah, he's stuck in a time warp at the moment - all having to do with the past.
