so i decided to really listen to what h was saying this morning about s's b'day party. i realize now that i have been "projecting" my own stuff onto how he may view the party and what it implies.
i need to separate what i think his motives are from what he is saying he wants to do. i have been having thoughts such as - he wants to have this party so he can show everyone that we are great, and i can't participate in that kind of thing etc.
well - after i read sgctok's first post on the power packaging - something shifted in me. i need to stop thinking about his motives or agenda, and just accept things at face value and see the positive in each situation.
so i decided i am going to see it as a very positive thing that h wants to host the party together and his aim is just to have a fun party like we always do. and to STOP doing what i always do, which is seeing the worst in every situation and looking for and imagining the worst of it.
i didn't really know how to get myself out of the position i put myself in this morning - which was asking him whether he was really okay with having all our friends there and hosting a party together.
i decided to just do it differently - and just not explain myself or how i'd changed my mind. just took the bull by the horns, called him and said - wanted to check if you want to invite this one family (he spends a lot of time with the guy, and they've gotten quite close), and that i need his email address - basically letting him know indirectly that i was going to go along with his requests - of inviting all our friends and doing the invites.
he actually responded in a friendly manner and we discussed a couple of things. i said i'd make a list and email it to him so s and he could go over it and finalize it.
i casually said - you're right we should do it this way - everyone loves it and has a blast and so do we. he agreed
so there it goes, and i'm just not going to fight this or resist it in anyway - i have always loved that party and i'm going to love it this year too and make sure that it's great for everyone. i'm just going to look at it as - maybe h is ready to have a positive experience together, or maybe he's not, but either way i could make it a great experience for myself.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
