So I figured I would post this while it was still fresh in memory. W just left the house a little bit ago.
Father's Day....going pretty OK.
I got up this morning wondering if I was going to go to church - then something said "you are going to church today for you, not to sit and wonder if W is going to be there". Divine intervention I guess. The message was about handling negative thinking. Making room for negative thoughts, but not dwelling on them. Basically said that trying to force yourself not to think about something is the best way to dwell on in. Rather, make room for the negative thoughts - acknowledge them and then go on to something positive. If I didn't know any better, I would swear 25 was the one telling me to get my a$$ out of bed and got to church this morning!
After church, S and I went to the store to pick up some groceries so we could grill together tonight. We went home and I put him down for a nap. Then I got a text from W. I was having phone problems so I just picked up and called her. She asked if we would be around later because she wanted to drop a few things off. I told her that I had just put him down for a nap and he would be up in 2 hours. She asked me to text when he woke up and she would come by.
I took about a 45 minute nap and was woken by her text asking if he was awake yet - she was at outdoor mall a few miles down the road. I told her to come on by. Naturally, I went around the house tidying a bit!
So she gets here - she hasn't set foot in the place for awhile. Son hears her voice and is quite happy. She looks great....I always think she looks great. She has some stuff with her and takes a seat on the couch with our boy. She made a really cool art project with paint and construction paper for me with him....it was exactly like the one he made for her for mother's day at school. I was touched.
She then handed something for him to give to me. I unwrapped it and it was a little ceramic plate with his hand in the middle and "Daddy" at the top - with his name on the bottom. Greatest ever! It was a smaller version of the plate we made for her for mother's day - they made it for me at the same place. Again - touched.
Finally she gave me a really nice print of me and S together front the photo shoot a few months back. It was really nice. After I said my thank you's and gave my boy a hug she sat up on the couch and asked "Are you doing OK?" - I responsed "I'm doing great!" She said "Really?" - and I just said "yep!". This time I wasn't faking it too much - I have been feeling OK more or less.
By now, the dog has completely snuggled up to her. She rescued him years ago before we were even married or living together - and she left him with me when she left...pretty much abandoned him, didn't even ask me to keep him - just left him. I got a picture of her and the dog together and she asked me to send it to her because she doesn't have very many with him. Of course I sent them to her. She was really attached to the dog before the baby.....he was like her child. We talked a little bit and she asked if she could walk down the street to see the neighbors and their kids. She and S were gone for about 15 minutes or so.
When she came back, she had a seat on the steps and the dog mobbed her again. He has been sick lately and was limping. She was aware of it and I could see her tears welling up as he crawled back to her side. With tears in her eyes she said "I'm glad you're taking such good care of him". I told her that he was family and son's best friend in the house! She said that he would have destroyed her condo....kind of like she was trying to tell me why she couldn't take him with her. Truth be told, before she dropped the bomb she wanted to take him back to the shelter because her was having a hard time adjusting to the the noes house....peeing everywhere....barking a lot. I kept her from returning him.
I think that seeing the dog cling to her and seeing S happy here kind of had an impact on her. Just guessing, though....the tears over the dog were very real. She was very loving with him and you could tell she was hurt that he is sick.
We talked a little bit more - it was all upbeat and positive. I finally walked her to her car and she said "happy father's day" I'm glad you're his dad. I just smiled and said "so am I". She pulled out of the driveway and that was it.
It was a very positive interaction. I didn't ask her to hang out or anything....and I was not mopey at all. After the emotions she had last week I am starting to suspect that she might miss it here a little bit. For sure not enough to R or move back, but maybe a little.
She commented on how much more space S has here.....a big arse flat screen TV for his shows while she doesn't have a TV. The pool.....and so on. I dunno - maybe I am looking too much into it, but I felt like I made a nice deposit into the "positive" bank.
It felt good to have her here....rather bittersweet. I wonder what she is thinking/feeling right now.....don't worry, I'm not gonna dwell on it.
