Just found this post and your comment elsewhere. Did not know of your sitch in April wherein you posted searching for Bond and me...So I'm sorry for the delay.
MODERATORS it would be nice to get private messages for THIS very reason...(just saying...)
Originally Posted By: lifejustgothard2
Thank you!! For calming me down. It is soo hard for me not to let my imagination go wild. Or, doubt his intentions when he has lied to me in the past. His anger upset me.. Still does. Yes, the past is the past but sometimes I feel if I understood it I would prevent from happening again.
I have OFTEN thought this too...but I don't know how true it is. I guess what I do know is
there is no way to KNOW if we really understand something...how can we KNOW we are "getting it"?
What if THEY the WAS do not know why, or do not themselves understand OR are too ashamed to say the whole truth...what if they did know, but then they changed anyhow? So how relevant is it?
What if your h went through a truly "selfish ass" time?
whatever there is to "understand" is maybe only relevant as to what YOUR ROLE or behavior contributed since you are all you control anyhow...
maybe focus on YOU and what you know you have to work on, and stick to that for some chunk of time.
But I don't like your h's anger or indignation. If you can CALMLY say
"do you feel YOUR anger at me for MY discomfort, is really helping the cause?"
Are you in counselling getting solution based therapy? Are you going to Retrovaille? If not, why not?
Do you think you two can solve this all your own without new tools? Your desire to "understand this to prevent it from happening again" -
might be better aimed at "gaining tools to avoid it happening again."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
