I'm sorry that you find yourself here. One glaring thing I pick up on in your posts is a lot of anger. Yes, you have a right to be angry, but it will not serve you well as you DB. You will find that DB isn't just about saving your marriage; obviously that is a goal for many here. But it is really about saving yourself. You don't want to be a bitter, angry person. You want to be better than that, healthy in mind, body and spirit. As long as you hold on to anger, you will not find peace and health.
First, you need to establish your goals, both personally and for your marriage. The goals need to be broken into small steps so you can celebrate mini successes along the way. The book DR should help you with this. Secondly, I know you said you've tried GAL and it hasn't worked...well, if what you have done isn't working, try something else! Jbnati is an excellent DB'er to follow in regards to what GAL can do for you, and I've noticed a recent thread in Newcomers on GAL suggestions. Third, you need to work seriously on emotional detachment. This is tough work, especially for someone who is as angry as you are. Step off of your wife's roller coaster!
My best advice is to stop focusing on your wife and her shortcomings and instead focus on making you a better person. I don't care how great you are, there is room for improvement in all of us.
I've been where you are, feeling helpless and hopeless. With a lot of hard work, I made myself better first, and secondly saved and improved my marriage. I know that even if my marriage had ended in divorce, I'd not only be okay but be better than before. I hope you will be open minded to those on this board as well as MWD's books so you can start healing now.
And yes....by all means, get your own lawyer and stand up for your rights. That doesn't mean you are giving up on possible reconciliation but rather are protecting yourself financially. Just be careful to remove yourself as much as possible emotionally from the legal proceedings. This isn't easy to do, but it will serve you well in the long run.
