Why is this such a hot button with you? Every time the whole "exposure" thing comes up, you practically become unglued.
Look, I realize it's against the DB/DR catechism, but to say that "every single time, it's blown up in their face" simply isn't true. And BECAUSE it's against DB policy, we're not allowed to talk about it, so we're hardly a representative sample here, don'tchathink? I think a fairer way to put it would be to say "reasonable people disagree about this very controversial topic, but it is strictly against DB policy and it says so right here on this forum" ... or some such.
More broadly than just this one sub-topic, I am a proponent of the "more actions, less talk" school. Talk is cheap, and wayward spouses will quickly just learn to tune you out.
Starsky
Starsky--
EXCELLENT ability to break this apart and discern the argument and purpose. I completely applaud your abilty to translate here.
Exposure isn't DB policy NOT because it doesn't 'work' ever (you KNOW it has it's place)...it's because...it doesn't work ENOUGH of the time.
It's because RESEARCH cannot be taken online. It's because folks who are passionate and have longtime online experience do not know enough how this kind of research is taken. It's because only one side of the data is shown. It's because it's ALL ANECDOTAL online and only one =sided anecdotal.
You can look at THOUSANDS of posts online and even make spreadsheets and not know enough.
and if you have knowledge of how physical science is determined, you will apply yet another set of standards (Gottman has done both)...
Michele has done her legwork in both arenas. You don't get it on boards, you don't get it in just speaking with folks in our personal experiences.
Not spelling this out fo ryou, because you get it, don't you?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
