Hi Concerned Listener - If your experience in the relationship is that your partner will blame and punish you for everything that goes wrong in their life, regardless of if it had anything to do with you or not - it's absolutely impossible to get there.
The more I read, the clearer it becomes that your wife does exhibit abusive behaviours towards you - and perhaps she always has.
I decided last weekend that I would not "walk on eggshells" around her for two days. We stayed apart for one day. I decided one day was enough. I proposed we have an active day, and she agreed. We talked about the events of the forgotten shoe, and meal ticket. I told her I didn't appreciate being called a deadbeat over a meal ticket issue. We got back on track that day, and have been fine ever since.
I'm getting clarity regarding the role I have to play with my W--a combination of strength and kindness. I think simply speaking up more, when I'm upset with her comments, rather than tolerating her sharp comments will help me and us to move things forward.
Thanks for the encouragement, Walking.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
