i applied to volunteer at the local hospital. i went to two evening concerts last week and attended my weekly yoga class.
i'm going to my son's house this afternoon to see him and the grandkids. i usually go over there two or three times a week.
i'm not really sitting around but those are only a couple of hours in each day. i'm home by myself at other times. that's the problem. there's just nothing going on out here.
i don't want to get a job because i like my retirement flexibility. i have a dog so if i go into town, i have to get back to let her out and i couldn't stay in town all day anyway.
i know this all sounds like excuses but i'm very alone in this town. i'm an introvert so i'm not the type to just go up to strangers and become fast friends.
i've thought about going to visit one of my high school best friends. she lives about 700 miles from here. i could spend a week with her.
but when that's over, i'd really like to go see my sister and spend a month or so up there. i know it will make H mad.
any suggestions on how to get it across that it's not anything other than loneliness that prompts the visit?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
You don't need to get anything across anyone: If u feel lonely and visiting your sister will help than do it. Work on the introvert issue. Wouldn't becoming and extrovert a huge 180? Did u ever watch the witches of eastwick? great flick
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Sometimes I feel really alone....and randomly I will notice that even though I'm in on Friday night watching tv with my dog I feel content. If you are committed to detaching it comes in times and in waves.
i just talked to my DIL. my husband says he doesn't miss me. well, no sh!t. he's NEVER alone! i'm always alone.
we decided that i will go up to my hometown and let H move back into the house. he will be by himself most evenings. he can see what it's like. maybe he will miss me then. maybe not.
either way, my going back insures i have a life with other adults and within walking distance to GAL!
i feel hope for the first time in a long time.
DIL recommends i tell H to contact me if he wants me to come back and that's all.
should i? or just let him know i'm going to see my sister?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Oh I'm not like anything this has only started happening in the past month and it's not a constant thing. This morning I was on edge, yesterday I was depressed and tonight I'm feeling calm and peaceful. Detaching helps. I am stopping my focus on him. It's hard but the more I didn't consider him in my decisions and actions the more his lack of interest didn't bother me. Now I just deal with the things I get hit by out of the blue.
i went to my son's for his father's day celebration. when i got into my car to go home, i had a text picture and message from H. it was a picture of him in the t-shirt i got him in cozumel, thanking me for it.
WTH? he says he doesn't miss me. he says his IC counselor says my changes could be because i "need" him and to get him back.
why is he texting me? why is he sending me a pic of himself? is it from guilt? is he lying about missing me? why doesn't he file for D?
i just don't get all of this! i am not responding. i don't with this rollercoaster. i will tell him, when he's ready to work on the M, call me.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
thanks, sd. and to top it off, this is not my hometown and my H's family have deserted me. i joined in my H's life and made his family mine so now i have practically no one.
i'm feeling much better now. i have a plan of action and i'm going to do it for my mental health.
it's so much harder to be older and have to think about a future alone. i don't have the time left that you have.
thanks for dropping in.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
the WTH? feeling - it is going to come repeatedly - over time.
the WAS will keep doing these little things that don't make much sense to us - in our "normal" minds they seem to indicate a moving closer, but over time and enough of those happening finally teaches us not to read anything into it.
it is often written on this board about how, if they sense us withdrawing even the slightest - they move a little closer - all they are doing is checking to see if you're really still there - when they feel you are, then they can happily withdraw again -
it's only when you finally detach that they really start thinking about what they are doing. but the detachment doesn't come easy or quickly - it takes a long drawn out process.
as rick pointed out - it's only when we take them off the pedestal we put them on that we can start to see what the r was really like and what it has become, and then we can truly move forward towards detaching from them
you are where we have all been - and i'm still crawling out of there - slowly and painfully - and it takes the time it's going to take.
i was reading your thread - and hoping as i read that you would decide to go to see your sister and live in the condo you bought.
it took me a long long time to stop believing everything my h said. in the first months while in panic mode, i based everything i did on what he had had on his huge list of grievances, as if changing those would get him back. now - a long time later, i am finally able to let go of the words that rang in my head for so long, and start to hear my own words
you are doing amazing - if you can hear your h's words about the condo and still go - that is the best place you can be - putting yourself above h's needs. you are clear about what you need - which is time with your sister and away and gal'ing - so give yourself a hug and be really proud of taking the scary step - you won't regret it
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
