Other than getting a life and not pursuing, I don't feel like I've made any other changes yet. I've been trying to smile more and be more upbeat, but I feel like he has not noticed.
What other behavioral changes should I be making?
Your changes are for you, remember.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
Other than getting a life and not pursuing, I don't feel like I've made any other changes yet. I've been trying to smile more and be more upbeat, but I feel like he has not noticed.
What other behavioral changes should I be making?
If you could build the ultimate SophieDaphne model, what would that look like? Think of it like a collage project.
Also has H ever said anything that you could do differently (what were his complaints), and do you agree with that? For example, my H would call me 'needy', and I agree. So guess what one thing I worked on?
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
He says I'm too dependent. So, I haven't been dependent! I know he didn't like that he did all the work around the house, so I've been trying to do little things like making the bed and taking out the garbage. He doesn't like that I don't give him space when he needs it. So, I have been! He doesn't like that I haven't truly appreciated what he did for us. I have been trying to say thank you and be upbeat but if he doesn't talk to me there's not much else I can do.
He said to smile and upbeat. I've been trying. But it's so difficult when he won't even look or talk to me. It seems like a lot of spouses are at least talking to one another. I avoid being home right now because of all of the tension.
He said to smile and upbeat. I've been trying. But it's so difficult when he won't even look or talk to me. It seems like a lot of spouses are at least talking to one another. I avoid being home right now because of all of the tension.
Not true. My h would speak to me with venom in his tone. I avoided conversation with him and tried to remain upbeat (hard to do, I know). I had the thought of "it's his proble, not mine" rolling through my head. It was verrrry difficult to be cut out like that. You remind me so much of me, so I hope you don't mind me telling you: I wanted to cry because of the silence or the hatred (and slipped a few times, mind you). Eventually, I stopped caring as much (practice makes perfect!) and I've been so much less stressed because of it. It is your choice how you want to present yourself to the world. Strong, upbeat, a fighter? Confident? Or one who will be afraid of his reaction?
It's his problem. His anger, his reactions. You can't control that. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change him, or his mind. Only he will do that. You smile, keep doing all those wonderful things you listed above. When it's tough for you and you feel like you are flailing, failing, or falling, come post instead.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
And to take the focus off him (you really are doing good 180s), what hobbies, projects, goals have you set for yourself? What makes sophiedaphne tick? What is her passion? can you break down a goal into measurable outcomes?
This is what I'm doing because it makes me focus on me, not h. Not H's reaction.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
