Dear mods. This is now my fourth message that I've tried to post to this thread please but let it through I need help and I think I may have just forced things to a head!
My wife came round to pick up her mail and we were chatting about the garden, friends, how she enjoyed teaching and all the regrets she had about school and uni. It was all quite pleasant for about half an hour. Then she started talking about the house and how we probably shouldn't sell it, how she'd found a flat etc etc. I pointed out we may have to change some insurance stuff if she was living elsewhere and things went very quickly downhill from there.
All the 180 stuff out of the window, we were talking about us! It did not go well. I still can't change, she is too far gone, she doesn't think she loves me anymore (but still isn't 100%, she may have made a mistake). By walking out she showed she had made her decision. She's lonely, on the edge of a nervous breakdown but still thinks it's the right thing to do. She doesn't miss me, I have undermined her, kept her from her friends, I did loads wrong during the marriage (some of which were true and I massively regret them. Things like not congratulating her properly when she got her grant). I was always unhappy because of work and she was a go getter and she didn't think I could cope with that. She wants to be alone because she is always pleasing others and thinks it isn't healthy. She did slip at one point and said that my behaviour had forced her to someone, I mean something else (EA confirmation? Possibly).
She then went back to the night she said we should separate and found more things I said which I shouldn't have (eg belittled her current job), but I've already apologised numerous time for that evening so this time I stood up for myself a bit more. I pointed out that if she could change why can't I? That I regretted loads but that I wanted to move forward and prove myself in future. And then I said that the problem was that I didn't know how to show her. I said I didn't feel I could keep going the way were were for long, that I didn't want to stay here but if there was a even a 1% chance of saving our marriage I would do it. That I didn't want to convince her with words but show her with actions but couldn't see a way to do it, but I was desperately trying to save our marriage. Basically, I took the 180 rules and ignored most of them!
So when she asked me what I wanted to do I asked her to come to councilling for a few sessions. By this point she was really angry (presumably because I had shown some backbone) but agreed to come. Now I'm assuming if she does come it will only be to convince herself that she is right. Her parting words were along the line of by asking her to agree to councilling I was enforcing my will over hers and thereby proving I didn't respect her opinions and that I was forcing her into her pleasing everyone behaviours again.
The worst thing was she was just looking at me like she hated me! She grabbed her mail, got straight in her car and just said email me the time to meet. At this point I did cave a bit and said if she was so convinced then she didn't need to go but she just repeated email me and then sped off without a second look.
