OK KML, I was actually thinking that, maybe I should have been nicer, so he could see me being nice. But I am ALWAYS nice. and Always geting walked on. He went up the hill because anytime OW accidently hears my voice she goes batchit crazy on him and me. Comically.
I just got home from the beach, and my car is quiet and I can see into the family room from where I park. I pull in and he leaps out of his chair and runs into his bedroom. I am sure because he is on the phone with her. Well he is in a room with an open window right where I was unloading groceries.
I called our merrily that lucky me I got sodas on sale and something fun for my granddaughters for dinner.
Okay walking, My friends got attacked by monkeys there....... Not so special for them.
The kids just arrived!
Aloha!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Did you see I got invited to teach Shibori Indigo Dyeing at Pat Yamin's Kona Quilting Retreat this coming Feb?
I know you will understand how darn cool that is! And I'd go camping with you, too!
I came home to have a slumber party with the granddaughters. And H is acting really funny. He said his back hurts and he is walking like an old guy. He said it has moved to his sciatica. And I know from experience, that is crazy painful.
OH WELL! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ALL!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, the more I read your posts the more I see a lovely, interesting, caring, compassionate woman with a beautiful spirit. Although we've never met I can see you clearly, but your H, amazingly, doesn't see you at all. I'm so sorry about that. I wish I could wake him up. It's beyond me that he continues to be so caught up in OW drama when the key to a joyful life is right before him.
Thanks GM! The other day when my STBXH and I talked a little, he spoke about how the way I am gives him anxiety. Me having a conversation with someone in line with me at the store, or me making new friends at the beach.
The further I go on this journey, the more I understand, this really isn't about me. His part is about him. If he is so frightened of life that he wants to choose a woman who appears to be as afraid of talking to new people as he is, then what the heck?!? I hope they have fun living in a cave together!
He married outgoing me, then claims to hate that part of me. I might have told this story. But the other night I was at a Whole Foods for pizza and beer. And in line was chatting with my friends and the people in line behind us. At one point I noticed this beautiful woman HAD NO TOES. It looked like a birth defect. She was with her husband they seemed like a delightful, happy, in love couple. They were in their 50's.
Later on I realized that my STBXH deciding he doesn't like my personality would be as ludicrous as the husband of the beautiful woman saying to her after 30 years: "Sorry dear, you have no toes, I just can't tolerate that!"
Anyway I am finding clarity in strange things.
I wanted to tell Walking that KML is the one who told me the crust/ham sandwich story! And valid it is!
I am making Eggs Benedict for brunch when all my family gathers up here in a few minutes. I hope everyone has something fun happen today!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
He married outgoing me, then claims to hate that part of me.
You know, we marry people who have certain qualities we like; but it is like a coin, and you have to accept the other side of the coin. I was an introvert married to an extrovert. The plus side was that he took care of our social life, brought lots of interesting adventures into our life, reminded me of my dad. The minus was that he couldn't relax, he thought less of me because of my desire for quiet relaxation. There's always good and bad.
Right now, though - he's just searching for something, anything, that he can blame on you to justify his behavior. However ridiculous.
Wendy, I'm a lot like you. I like to talk with people and that use to irritate my H. Before we arrived to a school event, etc. he would let me know that we needed to get in and out and not stop to talk to anyone. How ridiculous is that? He was basically telling me to deny a huge part of myself. Isn't it ironic that he left because I was controlling? Since depression and self esteem issues are part of MLC I'm assuming that is what causes your H's anxiety. My H has told me that he's anxious around me also and in his mind that is all my fault. Unfortunately, he has been depressed and anxious most of his life and refuses the aknowledge and take responsibility for these issues. It's too easy to blame others.
I have figured out a huge problem with the way things are right now. I am going along with my STBXH's plan to have a smooth divorce. We are still in the same house, we see each other all the time. If I hid he comes and finds me. The kids and grandkids are around alot, which causes us to be in the same room hanging out with them.
We pretty much live as a couple, without sleeping in the same bed. When I try to detach he pulls me back, or the kids do. I feel like I need to get a little bit meaner. I just don't know how.
He needs to not have ME around to soften the world for him. I have talked about staying on the boat, but never do. It is a problem with the dogs.
There is still a part of me wishing he would wake up. He and OW continue their "Breakup to makeup" game. And wow watching it from afar is like being sucked back into 8th grade. And I never played those games. So I thought people who acted that way were immature THEN!
MY best friend and I have also had a falling out, and I am tired of people pushing me around, being rude and then just expecting me to smile and ask for another load of crap.
Oh well, I need to take my car in to be serviced. On with my day.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Sometimes it becomes very clear that I invite people into my life in order to solve THEIR problems... thereby avoiding my own...
Every once in a while I do a conscious (or sometimes unconscious) purge.... it helps me tremendously...
Do we really need to be mean in order to ensure we are focusing on our own needs? Is that really how we see the world? ie. If we aren't serving someone else, we really are bad people.
Maybe... pick one personal problem... and focus only on it... for a week or two or how ever long you want to or it needs, in order to be solved... you might be surprised at how freeing or liberating that is... and might further find that once you've taken care of your own need, it is easier for you to help others (within reason) with theirs...
