[quote=zig i don't want to go for 2 reason - i don't feel like being around them and because i have noticed that the last few weeks every time h and i were with the in-laws he absolutely couldn't handle it - he was so tense and freaked out.
so my not being there would be letting him off the hook, in a way. ont the other hand - my not being there - is the old me (especially coming on the tail of ow's visit - i've set boundaries, been a bit impatient - i think they are signs of my disapproval - and not going on father's day is like a clear message saying 'i don't acknowledge you on fathers day)
at the risk of overanalyzing (yes, i know labug, i tend to do that too much)- going - is showing co-operation and acceptance - to all of them. he did come to the mother's day dinner at their house, and i feel as if , even though i don't really want to go, i should sort of return the favor
i'm not freaking out about it at all - just quietly trying to figure out what to do. is this the right area to "withdraw" in - i just don't know[/quote]
Zig - you're overanalyzing again
Your reasons for not going, as stated above, are: 1) You don't want to be around "them" - H's family? and 2) H can't handle it emotionally.
I get your first reason but the second one is you letting H's emotions control what you do. So what if he can't handle it? What if you went because it was more time with S?
Obviously H knows you don't agree with what he's doing. I don't think that, by going to this dinner, he would take that as you waiving a flag that you are now totally cool with his actions. You could "withdraw" by not actively interacting with H, let him come to you if he wants otherwise just leave him be and enjoy yourself otherwise.
I mean, hey, at least you were invited to the family event. I was excluded from H's family's event (even though H talked to me about how annoying they were about inviting him and following up to see if he was coming).
