from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

25,

Girl I have taken the 37 rules to heart and have been living by them for well over a month! Lol. I have adapted the gal so well it isn't even funny. I don't always have something planned in reality, but my perceived reality is so real it almost seems funny when I come back home not having done anything. I think it's kinda funny. I'm actually buzzed and happy as if I really do have something to do.

And yes, I really have let go and forgiven. I don't take his growing experience personally. I think it's selfish and lazy to put my source of happiness on someone else. I don't even hold ow over his head or mention her. I connect her with someone God has sent to help him through this time.

I'm not so sure about her lasting effect either, seeing how she IS married. OWH is in another state. I just see them connecting BC she just moved here and was probably just as lonely as he. At least I know she takes good care of d2//3.

And oh my gosh his d paperwork was so sloppy! He is being self represented, do no L. Interesting though, the paperwork he filled this June was notarized in March, right after a nasty blow up. That was my last acting up. Never again though

He does not know my reasons for being the waw. He knows how awful he treated me, but the connection is lost. I never told him, and honestly it want until recently that I figured it out myself. At first I thought he just didn't love me, but after stepping back I can see patterns with every woman that had come into his life.

A yr ago we were in this same place. He went home and connected with an old girlfriend. He was so in love, and I was so ready to move on that he wanted, and I agreed, to let ow #1 move into our home. Yup. They lived in the basement, asking with her d3. I got myself into school (still going strong!) And focused on my life. I was using DB without even knowing it. A month later he sent them packing, back to their other state. Talk about using women for comfort!

We ended up back together, but never discussed anything. Lo and behold, the old him resurfaced. Got my car in December and was patient till the lease was up in Feb. And in typical waw fashion, I was gone baby. So no, nothing had ever been discussed. And now I see him using ow#2 the same way.

I can see how he got himself in a bind this time though. She's his boss, and their entire section is like one big group of close friends. They are all in on it. All they do is party, and who wants to abandon the fun carefree life for their family when it comes with the price of work being hell? I totally get it.

Party time is up soon though. Ow is leaving for 2 months in sep for an army school. Our d could be finalized that month. Nov he is out of the army. He doesn't have a job or anything figured out. And he gave up his apartment last month BC he couldn't afford it. Even though he's staying with his buddy from his section, he's really homeless. Talk about a future domino effect from his poor decision making. In 3 months his world is gonna fall apart. Crazy predicament.

I'm very cautious of him returning just for stability. He just turned 24, and as evident in his score keeping, has a lot of maturing to do. God must have great plans for him, staging his growing experience so early in life.

Funny how I'm not even phased by his filling for d. I will stay happy and upbeat and will meet every deadline. If the Lord has something else planned for me than I will lovingly accept. Just because he doesn't see my value doesn't mean I lack it. I love myself and don't take his issues personally.

As for the sex part, I totally get your point, and I agree. with the emotion he put onto it I have no doubt that was his way of staying connected. But that is one of my 180s and I'm sticking to it. It's also for my emotional and mental sanity. Hard for me to feel his love for me in that way and then know he is back with her. Plus, I love him enough to be the first example of a woman in his life that respects herself enough to tell him no ~ even if it means losing him in the process.

I will try on your approach for a few months of acting happy for him when he throws his plans with ow in my face. Will report on how it works...
I was also wondering if it was his way of acting as if? Even though he blew it 2 Weeks ago by admitting that he is unhappy, still "finds life very hard" and said he was not in love.